Everyone hates me and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to know I am popular enough to be hated. Jimmy Daniels has some background on it at Revenews.

I hear the .357 Motivational Work Mug is popular, so much so, I plan to get a line of malware experts armed with guns for mugs to raise funds for community malware sites.

Can you imagine a Paperghost AK-47 Mug? I can. Dear god- Leo Quinn has his own hate club too. http://www.ihateleoquinn.com Good for you Leo!

More gear at IHateWaynePorter.com all proceeds go to Ona Little League…no, not to my hometown Salt Rock Little League, but Jimmy is President over at Ona. Curse the loss to Vinson…and yes I was thrown off my high school team for various “infractions”. Blew my chance of a baseball scholarship but I left batting 1000.00. I really need to dig up and scan some old baseball pics- I get nostalgiac for the smell of glove oil, burnt corndogs and moutain dew in big styrofoam cups- not to mention the *many* dugout clearing brawls when I played for Sturm’s- those were the best of days. Nothing like a blackeye or broken arm to remember a game by.

Speaking of Baseball this message for Steve Parsons- one of my best buddies growing up starting in little leauge. Steve, as you know, that curveball that didn’t break- you know the one that I beaned you with- I did it on purpose. Payback for the football game against Lincoln where I was playing tight end and you were at linebacker. Remember that? (I should have entitled this entry Revenge on Steve.)

So the whole world knows (although no one will care) I was benched when Jerry Kelley (who I later bagged groceries with in my first “job that sucked”- he was a nice guy even though he bruised me up bad during that game- which we won btw.) scored a T.D. I got the blame for getting sucked in by the line. That was rubbish and I was perplexed. I came across the line at 90 degrees, cut back left at 45 degrees and took out the fullback head on- as I was supposed to do.

Steve got sucked in, or misread the break, or blitzed the front, I am not sure, but he should have picked up Kelley and contained it to a 5 yard run at the most if not dropped him for a loss. That’s what linebackers do. Instead Kelley scampered for like a 40-50 yard touchdown run…

How do I know this you ask?

The kicker is this, like ten years later, when Steve and I were roomates in college, he comes out and confesses all of this to me. Ten bloody years later. What a conscience. He must have felt bad because not only was I benched, I got pulled from the starting line-up for the next game, and even worse I was not pictured in our annual as a first-string starter (it was the week for football photos) and Mark Lambert got the click. I have vowed to Steve that someday I will track down Coach Smalley and give him the smack down on what really happened back in 1984. He benched the wrong damn guy. Well not really, while I lettered in football, I was nowhere near Steve’s athletic prowess. So I would have pulled me too…well I would have pulled no one. I would ripped Steve’s head via on of our Coach’s colorful tougue lashings and left us both in.

I will add that year we went on to a record of 4-3- actually remarkable for a school of our tiny size and we had a shot at the championship. The first time I got to play on astroturf.

I will also add that was the year 300 lb plus Orville McCoy smashed me into the dirt when I blitzed during practice and he did some serious damage to my back (I weighed like 160). While I hope my son plays football (because who doesn’t want to beat the shit out of people or watch their son beat the shit out of them?) I still worry about him getting seriously injured. I know what goes on in those pileups and it isn’t fun.. I can’t count the number of people we hit in the groin, spit chewing tobacco into their eyes (an artform with a mouthpiece in- you have to trim wayback), pinched or bit (hard to do unless your helmet got knocked off but it CAN be done.) or flat out mauled. Memories…sweet memories.

/ 3000 Holy God Points if PG Gets Motivated enough to press his AK shots into a mug.

/ 50,000 Persistance Points to me if I can track down Coach Smalley- who is probably retired by now. But he needs to know.

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